Lowes...You are not going to make me cry

Over the 30 years together, Matt and I had our own personal joys that we would share.  One of Matt's favorite pastimes was going up and down the aisles of Lowes.  The nuts, bolts, garbage bags and of course there was nothing better than need to buy lumber.  He loved the smell of the freshly cut wood.  For me I can compare this experience to an afternoon at target.  Always leaving with much more than I had intended to spend, but there were so many "needs" that I didn't realize I "needed". I liked going to Lowes with Matt.  His pace was relaxed, his demeanor was happy and I just loved being with him.  So now, since Matt went to heaven, the Lowes experience isn't the same. I walk in with a bit of a lump in my throat,  I have a list, and I feel completely capable of getting the absolute necessities and getting out.  So today after a great workout, I bucked up, grabbed my list, walked with purpose and started:  hose reel leader hose, graphite for my doors, line for my edger, bug spray for the bazillion of gnats in my yard, and then...  a screen door handle.  I had hunted down two people who told me that I needed to go to aisle 16.  For the life of me,  I couldn't find the handles.  I patiently waited for a man at a workstation to finish making keys to ask for some help.  The big joke with Matt and I was that it was never as much fun at this type of store if you asked for help.  Seriously, I wasn't having much fun.  Once again after I basically cleared my throat more than 5 times, the guy smugly said aisle 16.   I explained that I had been up and down aisle 16 and couldn't find them.  With a big sigh, he flips around and leads me to the 2 choices I had.  Just as I was going to ask for the graphite, he got a call on his cell and just walked away.  Are you kidding me????  Hello, over here.  He walked away in the middle of me asking a question. Blow him off right?  Well not so easy when the lump in my throat was getting thicker, my heart was beating for the old days of Matt knowing where everything was, and the discomfort of the air I was breathing was getting nastier. How is it, I thought that I am standing here, longing for the old days of cruising the aisles of Lowes with my precious husband.  Oh my God, how did I get here? No answer except for the intense feeling of taking a deep breath and moving to the check out stand. The nice lady there asked me how my day was, did I find everything?  and wished me a nice weekend. With a bit of numbness I said thank you, you too and left. So when I got to the car, I said to myself, you got what you came for, there were no tears and next time, I am going to Home Depot.