A big obstacle I have been dealing with is being ok with the fact that I am not ok all of the time. Sounds a bit circular, however for a person that desires control of herself, I think that my world is more rocked because I am fighting myself with the acceptance of my emotional roller coaster. Matt went to heaven 5 months ago. So why now am I the most emotional and unnerved than I have been this whole time? Because.....I look around me and see that life goes on, and that is tragic. Not tragic for those who get to jump back into their everyday lives, but tragic for those of us mourning our loss. I am going to accept the following.....
1. I will accept that people will complain about their husband's idiosyncrasies and I can't. (I am smiling about how I would give Matt a hard time about the amount of trips it would take to Home Depot for one project)
2. I will accept that husbands and wives around me have a glass of wine at the end of their day, let their hair down and reconnect from life's business.
3. I will accept that the quiet of the day drives me crazy with yearning for Matt. ( Kind of dramatic, but honestly true)
4. I will accept that I have to figure out who I am and what I am going to do with my life until we are together again.
5. I will accept that for now, I won't put pressure on myself to eat a meal at the kitchen table. The couch and TV are ok. Tough one since in all of our years, we stopped the world around us and sat around the table talking about our day.
6. I will accept that sometimes I can take on a day with confidence and bravery and other days I can't.
I could go on and on. Bottomline... I am going to cut myself slack for just being me and living one day at a time. I am just going to accept.
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